1953 illustration by Roy Price.
Scarlett Johansson as Maggie in Broadway’s Cat on a Hot Tin Roof 
Part II: Going Down in Flames
They were true monsters these Chitauri. They were worse than even the Jotun, and that was saying something. They were cruel and unyielding, claiming themselves to be—as they put it—the “immune system of the universe”, wiping out disorder and free-will wherever they found it.
And when they found Loki? Well, they saw him as the perfect little puppet for their use.
This damaged and broken God, so fueled by rage and regret; this creature of Mischief and Chaos. They saw an opportunity to control him and they took it.
Loki suffered greatly at the hands of these Chitauri, under the supervision of one known as The Other and under the orders of one called Thanos. They tortured him with heat and any memories they could pull from him, always promising more pain. Day after day, drilling their Will and Order into him, claiming it for the better of the universe as they drew information from his lips by force.
So much time was spent suffering at their hands that he lost track of what day it was. All he heard was vague mentions of what was happening beyond these walls of torment and out beyond: Planets in the sky, Daleks.
Rose had made mention of these things to him before. He knew she’d be fighting them right now. That was the war she left him behind to fight for. She was off and away with that mad Doctor, saving the universe while he sat in this personal hell, only wanting the pain to end.
Yet, even as these thoughts plagued him, these memories of her, he lashed out again. The rage that filled him at these thoughts of her only aggravated his wounds and increased the Chitauri’s efforts to break him. They ripped information from him, fueling his rage in order to draw it out.
And out of him came his anger at always being second best, always left behind, always fading, always alone.
The Chitauri then knew that his rage was their best weapon. That’s when they brought him The Scepter.
Loki recognized it. He didn’t know if it was strictly Aesir in origin but it bore a remarkable resemblance to the Berserker Staff given to that mighty group of warriors the Aesir had ever known. The one lost because it’s leader chose to stay on Earth and break it to pieces and hide it away.
He had only read the tales of that staff but he knew what it did and how it influenced the warriors that touched it. Anyone that laid hands upon the staff were driven to a Berserker state. They would be filled with their darkest memories and become naught but rage and power because of it.
Loki learned only too soon just how alike this scepter was to the staff.
They had lured him out with promises of an army and a chance to be the King he claimed himself to be, all in exchange for helping them get a weapon they needed for their own great mission. They gave him the scepter then, infused with their own intent and by their technology that mimicked that of the Berserker staff.
The very moment the Spear was in his hands, Loki felt every fear, every regret, and painful memory swarm to the surface of his mind, clouding out all else. All at once he remembered discovering he was a monster, all his rage and self-hatred, all that sense of betrayal. All of his desire to prove himself. All of his failings. Every ill word ever spoken to him and that made him feel unworthy. The last words the All Father had ever spoken to him. And, so raw the memory, the gut wrenching agony of having lost this one great love of his life; his Rose lost to him forever.
Every single one of these thoughts flooded his mind and he became naught but madness and schemes.
It became his obsession to rule and to prove himself and carve himself a name and a kingdom and—somehow—do so under the intent that the Chitauri had poured into him. His goal to eliminate disorder and free will. Somehow his goal…became theirs.
Loki could not fight the urge. His mind was a tangle of rage and need. He couldn’t differentiate his own goals from the Chitauri no matter how he fought it. They instilled in him a new sense of fear. He could not fail them, for retribution would be great He feared what they had in mind and somehow he feared that it would be Rose who they would choose to torment him with.
Far across the universe, as Loki schemed in silence, Rose had saved the world, all worlds, and was returning her fellow companions home. Rose was saying her goodbyes to the greatest friends she had ever known but in the back of her mind was just one name: Loki, and the regret she felt for leaving, burying it beneath a smile.
Upon seeing the second Doctor, however, Rose knew that her return would not as originally planned. So when she discovered herself back on Bad Wolf Bay, her heart sank. She would have to say goodbye to her Doctor again, and she would be left here in this universe that wasn’t hers with a clone of her Doctor.
Part of her was furious that he had, yet again, made this decision for her instead of giving her a choice. Another part of her was confused because…could this man, this clone, truly be so much like him? Like her old Doctor? Could he really be the same? Could she even accept it? She didn’t even know how to approach this. He was him and yet…not him. Another part of her was still sad at merely having to say goodbye again and be left behind. But there was happiness or, she felt there should be. It seemed like some wonderful dream on the surface. This human Doctor even said those three little words she had waited for so long to hear from him.
In a moment of elation, she’d kissed him.
But when she heard that familiar whir and grinding of the TARDIS she pulled back and that’s when the reality of it all came crashing down around her. She’d been abandoned again. She felt guilt looking at the metacrisis and in that moment considering him a consolation prize. The greatest guilt, however, came to her. What would she do now? How could she go home?
Her heart plummeted. Loki. She’d loved him. She’d loved him so much more than she could ever admit and she’d kept to her plan and left him behind. Yet here she was…abandoned yet again. Loki had been right and that was all she could think. She loved Loki, but how could she abandon this human Doctor? How could she explain to Loki that she’d basically been left in charge of this clone? Loki had always hated the Doctor and—clone or no—he’d hate this one even more. How could she even explain any of this to this Doctor? How could she begin to face any of this?
When she returned to her flat, she knew she didn’t have to. He was gone.
The destruction left in the wake of Loki’s departure was indication enough of where he stood. As she surveyed the debris all around, she felt only shock, feeling Loki’s devastation pouring out from every shattered corner of what once had been their home.
It didn’t take long for Rose to dissolve into tears.
She collapsed to the floor, shaking and crying; knowing in her heart of hearts that she had lost her one chance at something wonderful. That she had destroyed and abandoned the one person that truly loved her and had not been afraid to show it…it shattered her already fragile heart. The love she’d had for him became now the greatest pain her heart had yet known.
The clone had not asked questions and tried to comfort her but she hardly acknowledged him.
The depression that followed this devastating loss, left her numb in a way she could not fight. The depression worsened when she saw images streaming through the cannon of what her leaving had done to the man she had—and still—loved. He had been so broken by her leaving that he had gone mad and was now set to take over the world.
Rose could not express the emptiness that filled her. The level of disgust at her own actions as well as his was overwhelming. Something deep within her was becoming twisted and dark. She could not fight the power of this all consuming regret, nor could she explain a word of it to this new Doctor left in her care.
He was only given pieces of information: The God of Mischief had stayed with her for a time. They had been close. She blamed herself for his loss of sanity. No more than these little tidbits and he did his best to console her.
So devastated and lost, Rose allowed herself to be consumed in this new relationship with this human version of her Doctor. She let herself be swept up in it to hide the pain she felt. She let the Doctor try to comfort her but would never allow herself to open up. She hoped his love for her could destroy the anguish she felt.
It became difficult however when she discovered she was two months pregnant and that it most certainly was not the Doctor’s baby.
She had not known how painful this new revelation would be, that it could destroy her further. And though her relationship with the Doctor worked for a time and he even tried to be understanding of her position, there was no hope for it. A bandaid can’t heal a broken and bleeding heart. It becomes over-saturated and falls apart leaving the wound exposed.
The Doctor knew by now what Loki had meant to her and the love they had shared. He had tried to be sympathetic but the fact that she couldn’t let go and that she clearly still loved that broken God of hers…he rounded on her.
He tried to reason with her, explain that there was no help for someone like him, that Loki was not her responsibility and beyond any help she could have offered. Of course, attacking him in this way, only made Rose snap to his defense. Loki had always treated her well and loved her without reserve unlike certain Time Lords. That Loki had come so far and if she hadn’t left to save the Doctor’s “stupid arse” Loki would not have lost his mind.
This was the start of their ongoing arguments. It was a process repeated ad nauseam. The new doctor refused to be compared to either her God or the old Doctor—and it became clear as day how different they were—and the Doctor finally left. Rose was relieved.
She still had to contend with him at Torchwood but felt more at ease. Though she still had to face her regret at letting the love of her life down.
She had loved Loki and let him down and, on top of it all, she was pregnant with his child. Somehow this little life she now carried inside of her gave her a sense of hope she never thought possible. Rose was now determined to set everything to rights, to make up for her decision and bring her Loki back to her, to let him know that she loved him and that she would never leave his side.
Unfortunately being pregnant doesn’t lend one to being able to dimension hop safely. She was not about to risk this precious little life on it. So, instead, Rose consented herself to watch as Loki’s madness progressed on the other Earth with aide from the cannon.
Loki, oblivious to all that his once love was suffering, was trapped within his mind by the madness designed by the Chitauri and aided by his own rage and obsession. It was all-consuming and he used it to control the likes of Selvig and one Agent Barton with his scepter as it controlled him. It affected them all differently but it worked in much the same way. They were all slaves to that power and their own regrets and obsessions.
Through it all, Loki only had the vaguest sense of Agency, his mind a tangle of motives. Clarity only came in short spurts and reminders of pain from his so-called allies. He was slipping, however. He nearly broke free of their control as he battled Thor and saw the swarm of Chitauri around him and the war being waged as Thor tried to talk sense into him. He said it was too late, all of it. His vision was clear for that moment. He knew the atrocity he had committed and he wanted to stop…but the fear…the fear in him was too great. If he failed, there was a greater price to pay. That fear was enough to override his briefest moment of clarity and in that moment he stabbed Thor.
He knew, however, that the battle would not be won and he scrambled to no avail only to be thoroughly thrashed by the mighty Hulk. The influence of the scepter diminished completely and his mind was free of it as he lay injured and the battle played out.
Loki awaited the return of the Avengers, knowing they would win. He had failed and imprisonment in Asgard seemed like a much finer option than facing anything Thanos had in store. Death even seemed preferable.
All the while as the war ended and he was taken into custody, in the universe he had left behind, the woman he loved was watching. And as Thor took him away to Asgard for trial, that woman had given birth to a healthy baby girl.
This woman, Rose Tyler, was biding her time as she lay in the hospital bed, cradling this new precious child with its jewel bright eyes and raven black hair. Her love for the child and for Loki was stirring a golden power deep within the very core of her being, set free from the intensity of her love for them. The Bad Wolf was awakening.
Part I: Close to the Flame
He was insufferable really. From the moment he crash-landed into her life onward, Loki was a literal royal pain in the ass.
Rose had worked at Torchwood for over a year before he entered her life and, despite all the protocol and all her training, she was still rose Tyler. She cared for people. Her compassion in spite of everything was simply part of who she was. On top of this, she still hated the secrecy of Torchwood and their we-find-it-it’s-ours mentality.
So when she found him, this God fallen to Earth, and saw the darkness, the pain, the madness, and the sadness in those jewel-bright eyes of his, she couldn’t turn him over. She had to take him in. Somehow she just knew he was just as lost as she was and in that alone, she had to help him.
He was argumentative from the start. And egotistical. And snippy. And moody. And downright condescending. A lot like a certain Time Lord she knew. Not the one she searched for now, but the one she first met; the one she’d fallen in love with and who she—even now, even when she loved her new-new Doctor—missed. All leather and big ears and hard edges and sass.
That was Loki now. Minus the big ears.
While he frustrated her to no end, just like the Doctor she once knew, he grew on her. And, just like her old Doctor, everything changed when she got him to smile; but there was something more to his smile, something that touched her deeply.
Loki was Mischief and fun when the mood struck him. It was unlike anything she knew, and she knew a lot about getting into trouble. Loki’s brand of fun was invigorating. It wasn’t just running hand in hand and inviting themselves into wherever they wished—though there was plenty of that—there was laughter and feeling good and experiencing everything their hearts desired.
Unlike the Doctor, Loki often asked what she wanted and where she wanted to go. He offered her everything. No “we’re going here” and “Ah! Some fantastic mystery to solve” and “let’s save the day!” No. None of that. Loki was all about the enjoyment of the moment and enjoying one’s self. Living life to the fullest and letting it all go. Learning to live for one’s self and truly be free. Something, she had to admit. She’d never done before.
Rose thought she’d understood freedom and living for herself. She’d run off with the Doctor on a whim, leaving behind her mother, her boyfriend, her life. All of it. All just to travel with the Doctor and to see all of Time and Space. To experience the universe. To save lives and feel the thrill of danger.
It was all well and good. The danger and the travel, getting to experience what no one else gets the chance at. It was exhilarating—but it wasn’t all for her. It was the Big Picture and that was wonderful. It showed her a new way to live, but her mum was right: she’d changed. Somewhere along the way, Rose lost herself and forgotten her wants and needs.
Loki was changing that. With him she was finding herself.
With the Doctor it had all been his big brain and his ideas and what he thought she needed to experience. It was all flash and showing off. It was employing her as a companion and telling her what to do when it came down to it. It was him making choices and big decisions for her, taking it away from her. It was saving his ass and everyone else and putting her feelings on the back burner for the sake of everyone else. It was wonderful. It was painful. She loved him and he would have sent her away no matter her choice.
Not with Loki.
It was easy around him. He was funny and charming. He made her laugh and smile despite all she had lost. He brought her back to life. He motivated her. He constantly offered to give her what she wanted. He didn’t brush of her opinions or ideas, he indulged them and listened and was always willing for a good discussion or a good argument. Unlike the Doctor, Loki valued her insight and listened. He never made her feel second best or stupid. He helped her remember herself and face everything she had ever feared. Not for the sake of others but for her own sake. She felt stronger with him. Happier. He helped her enjoy the moment instead of merely seeking the extraordinary.
“A good mixture of both,” Loki would say. And he was right.
They fought too, of course. Not their usual banter or mutual debates but emotional rows. They were both quite good at shouting through their tears but she found that her anger dissolved when she saw him cry. No matter how angry he was, that was the heart of him; the truth of who he was, the excruciating pain behind that mask of smiles and charm and tricks. Loki was in pain just as much as she was.
That was the first time she reached out for him. She held him as he told her what he’d done, explaining every moment. His life, his lies, his fears. The loneliness he felt so often for being so unlike the others, his anger at always feeling second best and least loved, the treatment he received at the hand of so-called friends and his overwhelming loneliness of that home he’d known. But above all, the hatred he felt for himself; for all that he was and all he had done and consequently lost.
His confessions led to hers. Led to their growing need to protect one another. She wanted to protect him from all that would hurt him and, though she did not know it, led to him feeling the exact same. Loki never wanted to see her cry again, he wanted to protect her from her loneliness, wanted to hurt the man that had left her behind.
These growing emotions led to more complex changes between them. Loki grew more and more to hate the Doctor and her project to return to him. Rose grew more tactile with him, forever seeking to hold his hand and seeking his comfort when she felt confused or weak or alone, and he would grant her that. This also led to Loki trusting her like he had trusted no one before. He showed her what he was and her acceptance only led to him loving her despite his anger at this world and these people, he loved her. It terrified him and filled him with hope for the first time. But this led to even worse fights.
It started as ever, about the cannon and it escalated. Before they knew it, they were arguing about the Doctor. Loki had come to hate him and he could no longer hold back, shouting and cursing him and Rose couldn’t not shout back.
“All you can think of is returning to him!”
“I have to do this! You know that. The stars are going out all over, Loki. He can fix this! I have to find him!”
“It’s not all about the damn stars and you know it! You just want him back, your precious Doctor,” he spat angrily.
“So what if I do?!”
“He abandoned you! You think the great and powerful Doctor can’t get back here? After all you’ve said he’s done?”
“Are you saying that you, a mortal, can do what the great Doctor, with all hos technology cannot? How does any of that sense?”
“I said stop!”
“He is a Time Lord. They are advanced people and after all you’ve said he’s done—all those miraculous escapes, solutions and wins—that couldn’t find a way back to you? But you can get back to him?”
“Stop!” She pleaded.
He advanced on her, taking her wrists in his hands, holding her firmly and meeting her eyes as she cried.
“Open your eyes, Rose! He abandoned you here! If he loved you, why would he do that? If he loved you at all, he would have come back.”
She pulled from him and slapped him hard across his face. “You don’t know anything!”
“I don’t? I…who lost everything?” He asked, tears streaming angrily. “I don’t know what it’s like to be abandoned and unloved?” He reached out, taking her wrists again. “I know better than anyone. You aren’t the only one trapped in a world that’s not theirs. You’re not the only one.”
She hiccoughed, holding back further tears, feeling guilty for having overlooked his own pain. “I’m sor—“ she started but he cut her off.
“He abandoned you, Rose,” he repeated more gently now. “He should have torn apart the universe to find you. Both of them. He should not have let this keep him from you, or allowed himself to be trapped her with you. But he didn’t.”
“I would have.”
She stared at him for a long time, her breath catching in her throat, her eyes meeting his as her tears continued to stream silently.
“I would have torn both universes apart to find you.” He touched her face then, cool fingers tracing the tracks of tears, wiping them away. “I’m alone here too…but you…” He looked shaken, lost, and quite suddenly frightened of the realization that fell over him. “I would never abandon you.”
That was the moment Rose saw Loki’s heart. He was shattered and broken and lost; like a lost boy looking for hope and reaching out and startled by what he’s found.
She reached for him then; wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close. Without even thinking, she pressed a kiss to his lips, feeling hope fill her too. A sense of completeness and joy and—though she couldn’t explain it—love settled over her.
He returned the kiss after only a moment’s hesitation. Arms wrapped around her, at her back, hand soon wending into her hair as the kiss deepened.
They wound up in bed together. Hours were spent exploring one another; kissing and reveling in each other, as though they’d found just what they were looking for after feeling lost for so long. There was freedom here.
This continued for months. Kissing, sex, moments spent racing the streets of London, or spent quietly wrapped up in each other. Loki loved, especially, laying with his head in her lap as she combed her fingers through his hair and read to him.
He was healing with her there. He treated her with naught but affection; gentle and sweet for the most part and full of passion when the moment was upon them. He was intense and loving in everything that concerned her. He was fiery and wild, and protective when it came to her. Ever the trouble-maker, but he was so much happier that the earlier days she’d known him.
It seemed impossible, but she knew she had fallen in love with him. She never poke a word of it, conflicted as she felt. She never once thought she’d love anyone more than she had loved her Doctor. It had been an impossible thought, and the love for him had driven her to build the cannon and work towards finding him. It was a pursuit she couldn’t let go—even after this sudden love for Loki had blossomed.
She didn’t know what to do.
Loki never spoke either. No matter how much time they spent together and no matter how much he felt the truth of it, he feared to speak the words. He once told her wouldn’t abandon her…but he was uncertain whether she would stay at his side.
Despite everything they’d come to mean to each other, she still worked on the cannon. It had nearly killed her. He’d rushed to her side and did all in his power to save her life, to protect her, and it had drained him. He would have given over his own life for her. He only just managed to save her. She’d spent days recovering and he never once left her side. He loved her too much, his fragile mortal lover. But after her recovery, she returned to work on the dimension cannon.
It was cause for several more arguments. All of which resulted in shouting and tears and accusations but they all ended in sex. They were scared of being alone, the pair of them. They were terrified of letting go of all of this and admitting what they felt. They were desperately clinging to one another and what they had, in search of some reassurance that both were too afraid and unsure to give.
So when that day came, when Rose said she was going through to face a war with the Doctor and said she would return, he could not believe it. He had fallen to weakness and begged her to stay though he knew she wouldn’t. He pleaded that she choose him but she insisted on leaving.
His last words to her were “Jeg elsker deg” (I love you), spoken in Norse because he was too afraid to speak it in a language she could understand, and he let her go.
Madness overtook him. He destroyed her apartment and all that had ever been of their time together. He’d howled and screamed and wreaked absolute havoc out of his rage and loss. He’d loved her so much it broke him. Once again he was second best. Abandoned. Left utterly alone.
There was no stopping him now. He stole a prototype of the cannon and escaped through the void only to find himself in the company of true monsters. And there began his torture.
okay i’m WAY behind but i have a long ass two weeks, so i’m not gonna do it all at once, jut pick up where i left off
Day 19: Favorite minor that decided to shove himself into the spotlight.
oh lord…so many to choose from, but i’ll probably have to say Paul because he is, by far the most intriguing of them all. He literally started off with THE smallest part: a minor contact for John in the original first story. He was supposed to be a mere blip and suddenly he became one of THE most integral characters in the series
….for a moment i thought i hallucinated my series into art…
Day 18: Favorite antagonist.
Another toughy…Devlin and Surtr are good antagonists… but i’ll have to go with Paul. He’s on the side of good but his soul is the blackest of them all and his worst enemy is himself
Day 10: What are some really weird situations your characters have been in?
Oh hmm…well Rune has magic and he has this pocket in his coat which is actually a room where he keeps things and he also has this “black magic marker” where he can draw doors to different places and he makes a door into his pocket/room where he and the others have to escape. So there they all are, standing in his pocket and he gets this hilarious idea to stick his hand in his pocket and this giant hand appears over their heads and begins to wave, freaking everyone out and making him laugh.
Day 11: Who is your favorite/least favorite character to write?
There are actually a couple of characters i love to write: James, Li, and Rune. Least favorite…would have to be John or Paul, mainly because John depresses me and Paul…also depresses me while being a huge ass that won’t cooperate.
Day 12: In what story did you feel you did the best job of world-building?
Oh that’s difficult to say. Um…probably The Man in Black because it does primarily take place here in my city but…then i want to say the entire Wild Moon series because i’ve been building that world and entire mythos for such a long time and i’m really rather proud of it’s complexity.
Day 13: What’s your favorite culture to write, fictional or not?
Also difficult to say, fictional definitely, but i suppose i prefer the Wild Moon series culture. It’s sort of based on ancient Chinese and Japanese cultures and does take place in both countries BUT it’s far in the future where it started all over again so there are wandering warriors/ronin. It carries a lot of the old traditions but is more progressive but this also takes place over hundreds of years spread out in the series. I love the blend of the modern and traditional and a dash of mythical
Day 14: How do you map out locations, if needed?
Well for the Agency series, it’s simple. most of it takes place in Texas, primarily San Antonio, where i live, so it’s fairly simple to use my own knowledge of the surrounding. With Wild Moon series, i actually have this old Atlas, like it’s more than 20 years old and out of date, and i actually took a permanent marker to the map of China to map out the knew regions in the series. Other times, google and many hours or research.
Day 15: A writer you admire, whether professional or not!
There are a few, actually. Top of the list are J.K.Rowling, Neil Gaiman and Piers Anthony. I do have to give Anne Rice some Credit as she’s what got me writing in the first place. And also to my best friend Paige you has….outstanding ideas that i never could have fathomed. I really do admire her work. And also Lisette who is……such a fantastic writer and so marvelous at world building it occasionally makes me jealous.
Day 16: Do you write romantic relationships? Are you good with those? Do you write sex scenes?
Oh YES, yes i do. I am actually quite good with those, they aren’t always there and they aren’t exactly the main focus. It isn’t about subject A getting with subject B, it’s subject A living their life in this way and subject B living their life this way, they meet, other circumstances outside of the romantic are involved, they learn and grow together, they learn and grow apart, there is romance, there is conflict both internal and external, not all of it romance related. It’s about them evolving as people and coming into their own and becoming who they need to be and…perhaps falling in love in the process. I have one relationship that starts off in that place but he won;t move things forward and she’s sick of it so she’s getting out. Things won;t be resolved and he gets his head out of his ass…but the story isn’t about their romance. They have other shit to deal with. ‘
And i most certainly write sex, i dare say i excel in that area but i only write it in novel IF it’s necessary and serves a point and i write it how it deserves to be written. If the story calls for gentle, it will be; if it calls for spiritual, it will be; if t calls for detail, then there will be detail; if it calls for raunchy….it will be raunchy. It depends on the tone and mood i want to set within the story and it also depends on the characters themselves.
Day 17: Favorite protagonist.
oh….god…i have to choose 1?! Ugh…i can’t choose just one. I love…James and Kate and Rune and Li and Ling and Jessenia! I love them all for different reasons.